All right. I fucked up. I thought I had written the unequivocally greatest, most definitive, best beer list ever conceived. And while it might have been worthy of three or four of those superlatives, it certainly didn’t deserve all five. The list wasn’t purrfect. People and cats alike let me know.
I missed a lot of beers. I missed a lot of important beers. I missed beers that are near and dear to my own heart. And there’s one thing I can’t do and that’s leave an incomplete list out there. Lists deserve better. They deserve to be living and breathing and continual. So catch up on my first list, crack a cat labeled brew, and sit back and enjoy the Godfather Part II of beer lists.
Let’s be clear. I’m not putting this beer on the list just because Off Color was pissy that Apex Predator only made honorable mention on my first list.
HONORABLE MENTION?! Guess this can of tuna is gonna go ahead and remain unopened https://t.co/wdsjcI0Nfd
— Off Color Brewing (@OffcolorBrewing) August 13, 2015
To be honest, since this beer was a collaboration between Perennial, Side Project, Northdown, and Off Color, I’m not sure how much Off Color added to this collaboration. But it was for the cats. Lions, Tigers, and Beers is an epic beer event each spring at Northdown Cafe and Taproom in Chicago that benefits the Wildcat Sanctuary in Minnesota. And it raises a shit ton of money for toys and foods and better lodgings and accommodations and such for the big cats. For the 2015 event, the breweries above collaborated on an epic beer to support the cats. It should of been on my first list. I suck.
12) Maine Beer Company Weez
Maine Beer Company is one of my parent’s favorite breweries. They’ve had everything they’ve ever done, except for Dinner. Lunch may be named after a whale, but according to this cat, Dinner is certainly the “whale.” Anyhoo. They claim to have read all the labels. But they clearly didn’t read this one. And I quote:
“This beer is dedicated to all the stray cats out there. Our tasting room helps fund a local shelter that is dedicated to find warm homes for every cat that comes its way. Cheers to our brewer Mark, his cat Weez and HART.”
— Beer Cats (@CatsOnTap) August 25, 2015
So, I apologize for my parents being unable to open their big brown eyes and would like to offer a big Cheers to Maine Beer Company for making a beer for the kitties. If you want more info, here’s the entire story.
13) Weyerbacher Last Chance IPA
Keeping with the theme of charitable pet beers, Weyerbacher is also getting down with the cause. From their website, “Weyerbacher donates a portion of the proceeds from the sale of every drop of Last Chance IPA to small animal rescue organizations throughout our distribution area. These shelters offer dogs, cats and other pets their last chance to find a new home.”
Bitches clones everywhere support your efforts, Weyerbacher. Keep up the good work.
14) 2nd Shift Brewing El Gato Grande
The legendary beer cats Rosie and Millie, known on Twitter as Cats on Tap, alerted me to this gem.
— Beer Cats (@CatsOnTap) August 25, 2015
The best part about this beer is that 2nd Shift Brewing own a couple of cool cats. They have an Instagram account that they prodigiously feature said cats on. And they named a beer after one of those cats. Nuff said. Catnip time.
15) Bellwoods Brewery Cat Lady
Interestingly, I just sent a Bitches 2016 shirt off to Canada. I always thought when I was running for Mayor that I could have had a Rob Ford like run of leadership. I actually tried to trade him some catnip for Canada once. He accepted, but never made it to Chicago to consecrate the deal. The press got a hold of his trip itinerary and the meet was cancelled. Another time I suppose.
So yeah. This brewery in Canada made a beer. And it’s got a pawsome name and an equally pawsome label. I wish American’s made American IPAs like this. Jerks.
16) Blue Point Brewery Big Ugly
As this second list was being put to the very first pages of cardboard, I made a new friend on Twitter. It seemed that Blue Point Brewery might have some recruits for my new cat army, so I made inquiries.
— Blue Point Brewery (@BluePointBrewer) September 14, 2015
And it turns out they did. Power of the Internets right there people. Big Ugly has a bodyguard job waiting for him on my campaign trail. Reach out, Blue Point.
17) Lost Coast Alleycat
In many way, this is the OG of the cat craft beer game. Lost Coast Brewery made this cat beer shit cool before it was cool. There’s a lot of cats that can thank this beer for making it possible for each of them. I bet they get great catnip too. Straight outta Humbolt County. Feel me?
18) Tired Hands Cassie
The guys at Tired Hands are some classy motherfuckers for honoring a lost pet by immortalizing their furry friend on a bottle of beer. I hope someone does the same for me someday.
— Dan Neuner (@vivalabeergeek) June 23, 2013
And turning loss into gain, the proceeds from this beer went to Main Line Animal Rescue. A low bow to these gentleman. Truly a wonderful project.
Honorable Mention – 5 Rabbit Cerveceria Chinga tu Pelo
I mean honorable mention. Not like in the way I used it to insult Off Color Brewing. This beer is very very special. Good Beer Hunting can tell you the story of Chinga tu Pelo better than me, but know I support the shit out of this. Donald Trump is a racist piece of shit and his kind of vitriol should be rejected and repudiated. I’m glad 5 Rabbit and Andres Araya did so. And fuck your hair, Donald Trump.
So there it is. The Second Unequivocally Greatest, Most Definitive Best Beer List Ever Conceived. I probably missed something, so let me know about it. Meow. Bitches.