The problem of seasonal creep isn’t specific to pumpkin beer or even beer as a product. I mean I love turkey and giblets wet food, but shit doesn’t need to be a year-round offering. But because of the fall’s longstanding connection to pumpkins, pumpkin beers have become a poster child for the seasonal creep debate. Whether it’s aggressive marketing, an ever tightening window of multiplying seasons within which to shove specialty beers, or just bad scheduling, it can’t be denied that pumpkin beers are coming earlier and earlier each year. [Read more…]
The temperature of my relationship with that cranky-ass fuck Donald Trump is well known. But well documented? That’s a big no until meow. Or, more accurately, until a week ago when I wrote the first episode of this epic tail. So put down that ribbon and find a comfortable cardboard box, because now the saga continues. [Read more…]
Here’s the thing. Fetch is never going to happen. We all have to move past that. That shit is just something dogs do. But #CatNapMonday can happen.
One of the primary focuses of the Bitches 2016 Purresidential run is the ConservationMeow platform. Humans need to learn how to conserve their energy, instead of always trying to take over the world. Cats don’t have cases of the Mondays. We don’t even know what that joke means. That’s why we must make #CatNapMonday a reality. When I’m President, cat naps on Mondays are going to be a constitutional right for cats, dogs, and definitely humans. [Read more…]
I don’t really have much need for a lengthy introduction here. Since Donald Trump and I are both running for President, I would like to document a history of my interactions with him (and his hair) on the public record. Bitches 2016 is an open campaign. Trump 2016 is not. How can it be? He blocked one of his opponents on Twitter. Now I’m forced to rely on the charity of my parents (you think they want to follow him?) to see what’s going on with this guy. So grab your bag of catnip and curl up on a pile of laundry while I guide you through a tour of my life with Donald. [Read more…]
Beer lists. Where to even begin? These days, it’s oh hey, here are 77 beers that may or may not have anything to do with each other, but if we throw them on a list, we can peer pressure breweries into sharing them on all their social networks and drive some serious traffic to our site. [Read more…]
Despite rumors to the contrary, I did not get into the political game because of the gravy trains or voting boxes. Those are just some ridiculously awesome perks of the job. My entry into the political arena came late in life. Although I was born into the George W. Bush Presidency and spent four years living in our nation’s capitol, I always thought campaigning and policy was a human’s game and that their world didn’t effect cats.
That was before the catnip shortage of 2013 and the great cardboard box collapse of early 2014 (in the picture below, I am surveying the scene of the disaster).
It was at this point that politics got into me. I had watched, too young to vote, unable to do anything as this country re-elected unarguably the worst President in history, and I wasn’t going to watch the same thing happen in Chicago. [Read more…]